C gets snippy when you ask him about his rent.

C's parents are paying for his rent right?

When asked when he was planning on going to his parents to pick up the check (he's now almost 2 weeks late), he replied "I don't know man!". Oh. okay. Fucker. I'm glad I don't own this place.

Also, C's stench is back. I remember when it first crawled out of his room into the hallway. It seemed like it was an instantaneous acceleration from Zero to Human Smuggling Boat, but I guess that kind of trauma heightens your sensitivity. I've realised that, although faint for now, it's inching its way down the hall and towards the door. When it was bad, I used to have to febreeze the couch whenever he got up. I'll have to go to costco to buy a pack. I used up 2 bottles within a month.

In addition to the stench of human filth, the smell of pot is getting stronger. I failed to mention that C is a HUGE stoner (I suppose that's implied by the crazy, sloth, and hippy aspects of his character though). This building is a nonsmoking building and since you can follow the gradient from the hall to his room, it's safe to assume that he's smoking in there. I guess you can't deny a crazy hippy his right to get high.

I'm starting to think this guy has mild psychosis. For example, when his stench was vomit inducing (like if you saw someone eat puke off the floor), he said that he was perfectly aware of his permeating body odour and that he didn't mind it. Naturally, he assumed that the rest of us, us daily bathers, would have no problem with it either. That's like looking after you poo and then inviting other people to come see it too. Gross.

Also, he's gotten so low on the failure scale that he's made up an alternate reality where the world is wrong and he's the one on high ground. If you talked to him, you'd get the impression that he believes he's Neo and that the rest of us live in the matrix. Politicians control your mind etc etc.

C is for confused and confounded.

I Hate My Roommate Part 1

For the sake of decency, let's call him C. C for cancer, cretin, clown.

Have you ever come across anything so ridiculous, so beyond the realm of understanding, that your brain struggles to connect the what and the hows of it? When you hear about a pedophile, you think "What the FUCK happened to that guy to turn him into a person who becomes sexually aroused to the thought of young children?" "What possible childhood trauma could lead to such perverse preferences?" Empathy fails as comprehension disappears from even the most deviant depths of your imagination.

Enter C. C is 24. He lives (putrefies) in the room across from my own. In trying to organize my thoughts on what to write about this walking corpse, I'm overwhelmed by how much there is to actually say about him. So, I'm going to start with the number one thing that makes me contemplate life in prison:

His Stench.

C does not believe in regular deodorant. He HAS "special deodorant" because all other deodorants (and toothpastes) are poison. Consumers everywhere are going into comas, frothing at the mouth, undergoing multiple organ failure because of Lady Speed Stick.

C's alternative, his non toxic deodorant, sits on the bathroom counter well away from his pristine underarms. Although this, in itself, is DISGUSTING, he has a special addendum to this feat of human devolution: C has done away with pointless stress inducers like jobs and school. C plays Lineage. All day. In his room. To understand the magnitude of this fact, you need to add it to the information above. If you come up with a disgusting deadbeat that smells like a dead tramp on a full bus, with all the windows closed, on a rainy day, well, you've got it exactly right.

I also need to mention that in the summer, he walked around with his shirt off (complete with emaciated frame). He likes to put his hands on his hips.

So, if he plays video games all day, doesn't have a job, doesn't go to school, how is he paying rent?

HIS PARENTS.

I wish there was a stronger bold function because this asshole (that's not an insult. It's a metaphor) mooches and lies to his parents about going to school. They've made a deal with him that if he promised to enroll, they would pay for his rent. There have been some (three) half ass attempts to pretend to be interested in some courses at a local technical institute, but he just can't seem to decide which program fits his wide range of expertise and his busy schedule.

So, he lies to his parents. They gave him 2 months to get it together (he's on his 3rd) but C just can't help the fact that he can't enroll. They're out of paper registration forms, so give me some money Mom!

I didn't know you still had to register on paper, especially at a school specializing in Education Technology. I need to repeat that this man (or a facsimile of) is 24.

HIS FUCKING CAT.

Have you ever seen that video of that kid humping a pillow (sorry)? His relationship with his cat isn't overtly like that, but when you see him nuzzling and kissing it (yeah), you wonder how hard his brain is working to inhibit whatever urges follow nuzzling and kissing. For fuck's sake, he talks to it in bedroom tones.

HIS BIG BUSFULL OF CRAZY

I don't even know where to start with this one so I'm just going to list them as I remember them. Keep in mind that he says all of these with authority because, you know, he read them on the internet:

Black People (who could read minds and had superhuman abilities) and the Atlantians had a war which drove the Atlantians underground trying to emulate the supreme black beings. This is why politicians can read our minds and black people are the superior race (also because of their larger cranium. Why have we never asked whales to unite quantum with classical physics?).

Toothpaste is poison because Sodium Flouride is toxic. (STAY OUT OF THE OCEAN OR DIE!).

We never went to the moon on rockets, we went on Stargates. We go back and forth through the planets using stargates all the time, only the government doesn't tell us. (my personal favourite).

There are weapons in orbit that the US governmnet has built to fight invading aliens.

Whoever discovered God was actually high on mushrooms (his favourite link to nirvana) and was hearing music.

DNA is like a camera, it gives off the light that we feed it .

If they sequence the genome, ad companies can use it to find out what foods you crave and make you buy it.

Computers will yield MORE employment so they should make everything automated (when questioned, couldn't give a coherent answer to "Wouldn't more computers take jobs away because one computer can do the job of atleast 2 people?". He clearly doesn't know the definition of "automated" or "MORE" or "employment").

Cortisol, it has been shown, is a stress hormone ( Said this to me as I was studying for and stressing about my MCATS). People, now, have more cortisol in there system than ever before and it's shortening our life spans (Also could not give a coherent answer to "Considering life expectancy has actually increased and our ancestors had to run away from things that could eat them, wouldn't that mean a hell of a lot of Stress?").

This man is dumb. If you're asking what kind of upbringing could possibly produce such a filthy idiot, me too. It's a disturbing trend that I'm seeing from people that grew up here. I'm not saying everyone, but my boyfriend is friends with this guy. FRIENDS. How many filthy, stench-ridden hippies do YOU know?